Welcome to Moer Notes, Hannah’s monthly recap post.
Get in the car, buddies, we’re recapping February. I performed, then I sat by a pool and tried to burry myself in snuggles with my nieces and nephew’s cheeks.
As a reminder, these come out on a monthly basis (never at the same time, that has thus far been too much for this chaotic lil life) as a little peek into my life. It’s helpful for me to do the reflection and to actually think about the past. It’s helpful for you if you’re nosy & you like reading this stuff.
There are standardized categories you can count on (but I’m always finding new ways to move them around) and it’s just my cute lil standardized recap series - for you and me.
LET’S GET INTO IT.
A category to capture what I’m proud of in my journal, or what I made in the kitchen, or what I have taken time to create lately.
In February, I was making memories.
I know we are starting off cheesy, but this is the truth.
February found me getting back on stage, with so much community support, I could weep about it if I would let myself. A visit from my mom, where we hung around the city, snacked on good cake, and also napped on the couch while Grey’s Anatomy played. I had a full work calendar, and a full life calendar. I finally got around to refreshing my bookshelves when I had a bit more downtime, and then I got to head on a vacation with my family for a week.
February was a full month, a month of big love, and I loved every sweet memories I made in the month.
A category to explore what is unclear and difficult to understand; what’s been a thing or two that is keeping me from seeing clearly and moving forward?
On my last half-day of work before vacation, I drove over to my therapist’s office. I was wearing a bit of makeup, but as good as the Ilia Limitless Mascara is, it is not waterproof when I need it to be.
We talked about learning how to feel worthy of being taken care of, of re-learning how to take care of myself, & accepting care and the help of others when needed.
I had a little “bit weep” moment at the thought of Dave meal prepping breakfast for me in busier seasons (the exact scene was Therapist Jenny suggested it, I started crying harder, and through my tears - in my crying voice - said, “I’m crying because he woulllldddddd”).
So it’s just a small little thing keeping me from seeing clearly and moving forward: working on the silly little belief that I’m worthy of being taken care of. Casual and fun!
A category to look at what I’m trying; what habit, rhythm, routine did I try in my day to day life?
Late on Friday afternoons and into Saturday, I started taking more time with my laundry. I’d dedicate those days to a luxury laundry routine.
I work from home, so a day time load of laundry on Friday isn’t a struggle. After it hangs and dries, I’ll spend time on Friday night and Saturday folding it all properly, or depilling what needs to be depilled. On Saturdays, I put it all away properly and do any ironing that needs to be done then too.
When I did my 2023 reflections, laundry kept popping up on my “did not work” list, so I’m excited to be feeling any and all progress there.
A category to be a (maybe) brief look at what I’m reading, what I’m liking, and what I’m screaming about from the rooftops.
The fact that there are any books on here at all is shocking, considering my recent commitment to rushing through Grey’s Anatomy and the time I spent on stage. My re-reads of old favourites were a standout, but here’s the reading list from February:
You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith // ⭐️⭐️⭐️ // I need you to know: reading this in the midst of a season where I was busy and barely around my husband… this just made me sad. It wasn’t the right book for the season. It was beautifully written and tender hearted memoir of marriage and divorce, but this was a case of the wrong book at the wrong time for me.
Us Against You by Fredrik Backman // ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ // 🔁 // My first re-read of the beloved Beartown sequel. My first time re-reading since I devoured it in September 2018 — and it is still so special to me. As I wrote in my Storygraph review - “I read the end of this book and the tears come out of my eyes so easily, I don’t even realize I’m crying. Beartown forever.” Indeed. Now to be brave enough to dive into The Winners with gusto.
Meet Me At the Lake by Carley Fortune // ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ // I can be brave enough to say that I was not as taken with Carley Fortune’s first summer romance, Every Summer After. But this was totally different for me. A past timeline with one day long adventure in Toronto, a present timeline at a Muskoka resort a mention of Pitman Hall (I was a goner after that - TMU alumni: IYKYK), and big love alongside old fears… it had everything this Ontario girl grew up on and loved. It made me so nostalgic for those good summer Toronto days. I enjoyed this way more than I thought I would!
Mr. Wrong Number by Lynn Painter // ⭐️⭐️⭐️ // I’ve loved Lynn Painter’s young adult series, so I always like giving her adult stuff a chance. I didn’t love this story of brother’s best friend with a You’ve Got Mail-esque sub plotline, but it got the job done as a nice lil romance to read poolside.
Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross // ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ // Finally got some time to dig into Divine Rivals! I liked it a lot - it fits well at the intersection of fantastical almost-historical fiction for me, and more and more, I found myself rooting for (and loving) the characters. I bought the second book already and will be excited to dig into that!
Good Material by Dolly Alderton // ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ // In 2021, I read Ghosts by Dolly Alderton on a plane and cried. Could I tell you why now? Not in coherent words, but I just remember being so taken with the story and so… seen in the messy middle of late-twenties vibes. So Good Material was always on my read list, and I really liked it. No tears, but I adored the story it took us through, the growth of Andy, and the ending took me completely by surprise (but I loved every revealing second of it). A buzzy title for a reason for me!
People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry // ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ // 🔁 // Every other year, before a new Emily Henry book comes out (normally coinciding with a spring reading slump where nothing sounds interesting to read), I re-read Emily Henry’s back catalogue (and you know, weep in public places). I still remember the first time I read PWMOV (I cried in my brother-in-law’s basement while Dave snored beside me at Poppy’s declaration of love) & the second time I read PWMOV (I kept taking phone breaks because I was reading while I was getting a pedicure and didn’t want to cry in the midst of it), and every time, it feels me with heart, wanderlust, and nostalgia. Emily Henry, I am happy to be spinning on the planet at the same time as you, please keep writing, I cannot wait to read Funny Story.
A category to clock what I’m noting from my life; what are the notes from my journal and the things in my life that I’m taking note of?
The pages titled “Thoughts and Vibez” and February goals are left blank. Most other pages are half filled.
There’s a quote or two scribbled on a page. Little lists to help me take action because everything felt insurmountable for my almost burnt-out brain.
I made one list of Things I Don’t Want to Forget About Nana’s Naughty Knickers, because I did want to remember some of it. (Included on the list: listening to Unwritten as my Serenity Song before I would go on-stage. Thank you, Anyone But You.)
I made packing lists and cleaning lists. One brain dump list where I just asked myself questions like, “When am I going to take the stuff in the hall to Goodwill?” “When am I going to make those bingo boards or sticker charts?” A “last day before vacation list” of what I still needed to get and pack.
On vacation, I wrote one page and the title was really and truly the vibe: “I am restarting 2024 in March!” and I meant it.
A category to look at my spending habits; what did I buy, if anything? (And maybe, what did I wish I bought?)
My mom came to town and we went on some Edmonton adventures, including a stop at Duchess to eat the most delicious cake and have a beverage, and a stop at Parcel and Prose. (Instead of flowers for the play, my mom got me some stationary goodies, which is my ultimate love language and an absolute spoiling from my mom.)
Other than that and my steeped tea, double double, ritual, I thought I’d highlight my other regular expense: Substack subscriptions. I LOVE throwing a lil cash each month to my favourite creators for their exceptional work on Substack. I’ve talked about standard favourites from friends before (if you don’t know about
& & at this point, that’s surprising & please fix that), but I thought I’d highlight some other favourites:- by - Coffee with Maggie quickly became one of my favourite Instagram follows a few years ago, so when she started her Substack, it was a no-brainer subscription for me. I go back to her posts often to re-read them — she’s insightful, full of practical insights and real “how to be in the world” wisdom. Favourites include this piece on her wardrobe challenge, and anything ever in The Sunday Edition.
- by - When I need a work treat, sometimes I’ll say, “Do a half hour of work and then you can read a back issue of Morning Person.” I consume these like a magazine and find myself reaching to read them first thing in the morning. I deeply appreciate Leslie’s thoughts and the transparency she gives to subscribers. I’ve gone back to her written Day in the Life posts a few times (and then immediately wanted to write one of my own) and her essay this week on escaping the buying doom loop had me screenshotting things to write in my journal.
- by - I’ve followed Olivia for a long time, and am an avid Bad on Paper podcast listener. Her essays are worth the price of admission alone, but I love her Month in the Life recaps (especially now that I’m off the ‘gram) and her new Desk Tour series is my favourite thing on the internet. Bar none.
And that’s a very high level highlight! I love Substack. More on that in my March recap, maybe.
A category to do a little self-reflection; how did I show myself a little self care?
When it felt like all my moments were spoken for in February, I prioritized sleep, watching Grey’s Anatomy incessantly to help shut my brain off, and doing at-home velcro roller blowouts with little whale eye masks.
It wasn’t a month for trying to do a bunch of different things to take care of myself — or even to take care of myself the best I possibly could. But I do think the things I mentioned above were how I took care of myself best I could in February.
A category for gratitude; literally answering the simplest and also maybe hardest question of what am I grateful for?
Every moment I heard, “Aunt Hannah!” When so many people showed up so generously to support the weird play I was doing. Quiet nights back on the Oilers roller coaster. Meetings at church on weekdays and then watching the boys play hockey while we catch up. Good brunch, quick pop-in’s to shops on Whyte, and pedicures at my favourite Edmonton pedicure spot. Film cameras. Time in the pool with just my sisters. Lego flowers to celebrate the end of a full season. My stress zit, finally leaving my face. News and excited text messages about The Tortured Poets Department. Wednesday morning Post-It notes in different spots. And probably more things, too.
A category to name what stood out to me; what’s a quote that I just had to write down this month, or a post I saved I absolutely want to include?
This, from James Clear’s weekly newsletter, hit particularly hard on February 8, when I jotted it down:
“Stop paying attention to what everyone else is doing and run your own race. How much time is spent reading other people’s posts on social media, watching other people’s exploits in the news, listening to other people’s ideas on podcasts? Go have coffee with a friend. Go make something. Go outside. All those hours spent looking at someone else’s life on a screen could be used to take action on your own life.”
And that’s it for February! Am I caught up? Will I be able to send March’s recap in early April, like I have always intended? MAYBE!
I LOVE RUNNING MY OWN RACE, NEXT TO YOU, A RUNNER, RUNNING HER OWN RACE. love you sm